How To Change Disrespectful Behaviors In Children |
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Parents often feel frustration and anger when dealing with children who are defiant, angry, and disrespectful, and then can turn to those same negative actions themselves in a vicious cycle. Determining possible reasons or contributing factors for the unacceptable behaviors is the first step for parents to take when trying to lead the family to positive communication and interactions.
Parents often feel frustration and anger when dealing with children who are defiant, angry, and disrespectful, and then can turn to those same negative actions themselves in a vicious cycle. Determining possible reasons or contributing factors for the unacceptable behaviors is the first step for parents to take when trying to lead the family to positive communication and interactions. Slamming doors, yelling, talking back, and disrespecting rules can all be signs that a child is angry or even scared about something. Many times it is not even the parent who is at the heart of the true issues, but instead the person who receives the brunt of it. This can be because children sometimes feel safer venting to someone who has always loved them because the risk of losing them can feel less. If a problem with a friend is the root cause, it might be too intimidating to unleash those feelings on the friend for fear of losing the friendship permanently. Even though the parent might not be the intended target, it is still a behavior that needs to be addressed so that more positive ways to communicate those feelings can be learned. As parents find the root causes to these negative behaviors, there are many ways that solutions can be sought. The causes will often give good indications of what reasonable solutions will be. A child who is struggling in a class and refusing to study or talking back to anyone who tries to discuss the situation should be presented with positive ways to improve the classroom situation. Parents can facilitate meetings with teachers, find tutoring or extra help for homework, or even find alternative class offerings that might enhance academic experiences and lessen frustrations. Children who speak disrespectfully to parents might be just going through stages of adolescent development where they are trying to determine who they are and at the same time rejecting any outside control. While this can be a common phase, it does not mean that it should be tolerated by parents. Instead, parents should calmly lay ground rules for communication within the family when there is not a tense situation already in progress. Talking about expectations and rules, as well as consequences for breaking them, should happen during positive, calm discussions, and should happen more than once. Parents can feel very frustrated when they are receiving the worst of the behaviors from their children whom they love the most. However, it is important that parents do not let the negative behaviors of their children influence their own actions negatively. Resorting to the same tactics will only increase the negative behaviors and will not lead to solid solutions. Parents might find that the best way to deal with these situations is to tell their children that the behavior is unacceptable, but that further discussions and consequences will be discussed when everyone has had a chance to calm down. Doing so will give children opportunities to regain self-control, but still hold them accountable for their actions. It can be too easy for parents to declare extreme consequences, such as no more phone privileges for a year, when emotions are running high. Parents then have to back down from these at later times and the only thing that children learn is that the consequences are negotiable and not serious. When parents invest time and efforts into discovering why their children are angry or defiant, there is greater likelihood that solutions can be found. Children will learn to model calm and reasonable actions and communication strategies when their parents can provide these. About the Author: Frank Cole Difficult Children Wanting to discover ways to eliminate disrespectful behaviour with your kids? Then visit www.TheBlissfulParent.com for more information and download plenty of FREE parenting resources. Natural Parenting Magazine |
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