The Child Must Challenge and Confront His Own Perceptions |
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The main reason why parents should challenge the perceptions of their children is for the child to learn to challenge his own perceptions in the end. It is not enough that you simply let your child understand that his perceptions of what happened are flawed. You also have to let your child confront his own perceptions and challenge them.
The main reason why parents should challenge the perceptions of their children is for the child to learn to challenge his own perceptions in the end. It is not enough that you simply let your child understand that his perceptions of what happened are flawed. You also have to let your child confront his own perceptions and challenge them. An example of how to do it would be to tell your child, "The rules seem to change when I said no to you when you asked me to drive you to your friend's house last Friday." It could also be in this way, "The rule of not stealing no longer applies when I told you to study on the kitchen table instead of your room." That's the vital part about identifying the triggers of your child's behavior. You simply have to find them out in order for you to challenge them. Basically, you challenge the triggers through putting your ideas into words. It's the parent's way of saying that rules should not change because you feel bad about me telling you no. The about not being verbally abusive to your siblings stays there even if I don't let you play your video game on a Monday night. When you say this, your child will usually give out an excuse. He will tell say something like, "I just ate the cake first because Grandma allowed me to do so." Or your child can say, "Our assignments are very difficult that is why I do not finish answering them." Challenge these perceptions by saying, " Are you saying that just because you find your assignment difficult, you can just leave it unanswered?" Kids rarely have an answer for this kind of question. But there is one common reason that almost all children believe are valid and that is, "because you made me angry." The parent would have to confront the issue then by saying, "Because you're angry at me doesn't make it okay for you to call me bad names." And if your kid tries to evade the matter by saying for example, "That's crazy," then you tell him then you are not ready for this confrontation. You as a parent must then make your child realize that this is supposed to be an honest conversation between you and him and that both of you must be committed to it. Then you must make him realize that he won't be able to have the privileges back until such time he realized that the rules are set and that he should follow it. The child must realize that whenever he does something unacceptable, there are consequences to it and the privileges will not be given back to him until such time he does the alternative behavior. About the Author: Frank Cole Katherine Thompson loves to write about parenting subjects including kids discipline. Learn how to be a more effective parent by visiting her website about my problem child. |
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