You Can Be A Happy And Effective Parent |
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Despite the challenges of being an effective parent good parenting can be a lot easier with the most effective parenting system ever devised.
Despite the challenges of being an effective parent good parenting can be a lot easier with the most effective parenting system ever devised. The best parenting system ever devised borrows some ideas from dog training, believe it or not. A few years ago I inherited Jenna, a beautiful but clueless collie that my parents kept indoors in their condominium in the city. Jenna, the untrained collie had proven to have no regard for speeding traffic as she had been raised in a kennel and always lived in a condominium. If left on her own she would wander right out into the middle of a road with speeding traffic! Without the proper training Jenna didn't even know how to come when called. You can yell at her all day long and she acted like she was deaf! When my mom passed away Jenna came to live with me in the country. But, I realized that for her safety I would have to train her to stay out of the highway in front of my house. My vast experience working with children and adults with behavior issues gave me the one principle I would need to train Jenna: The Key Principle of Effective Parenting "To become an effective parent you need to base your actions and attitudes on the principle that resolution occurs by fostering the positive, not by attacking the negative. " I used this very concept to teach Jenna to remain in my yard and to come when called. To turn Jenna from condo dog with no training into a smart country dog I used my tone of voice and some little dog biscuits. When I released her and she wandered towards the road I said: "Unh unh Jenna NO! Go the other way." Then, when she began to move towards the interior of my yard I used a kind and praising voice saying: "That's right! Good girl!" For awhile I continued to walk around the yard with her giving her more and more space but always keeping her within my site and voice. Occasionally, I would call her and if she came to me I gave her a biscuit. After a few weeks of this daily training I could simply say: "Take a walk Jenna"! and she would make a circuit of the land but stay well away from the roadside. At the end of her walk she comes up to the porch and is rewarded with a biscuit. In case you missed it in my little story of training Jenna the secret of good child rearing is praise, reward and tone of voice. Dogs may not understand individual words but they have a super ability to know what you want from them simply by your tone of voice, body posture and facial expression. Young children are the same way. Use fewer words to communicate and more expression. Young children are highly intuitive and even infants quickly pick up on the non-verbal cues that tell them what you want from them, how you are felling towards them and when you are displeased or happy with their behavior. Both dogs and children respond to rewards but rather than giving your baby dog biscuits you can use pick them up or hug your child. Be generous with praise and a kind voice when they respond positively to your instructions. Use your warning tone of voice and threatening facial expression to divert your child from troublesome behaviors. Here are the core concepts I recommend you follow: Core Concepts of Effective Parenting. You will attain best results when: 1. You clearly define your expectations to your children. 2. You learn to communicate your expectations in the best way to get the desired response. 3. You assist them in setting and achieving goals. 4. You assist them in finding appropriate alternative responses to misbehavior. 5. Your child participates in defining consequences and rewards. 6. You consistently enforce consequences for "misguided" behavior and reward good behavior. As you follow these core parenting principles you'll be teaching the principle of self-responsibility to your children. About the Author: Frank Cole Learn more ideas of effective parenting and take advantage of The Total Makeover's free behavior wheel software. This article, You Can Be A Happy And Effective Parent is available for free reprint. |
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